Stop doing me favors!!

Oh boy.

I've always known that Alex Jones was a conspiracy lunatic and frankly a bit unstable.  When you see boogie men behind every shadow, you may have a form of mental illness.

But then he goes on Piers Morgan to talk about a) his petition to have Piers deported and b) gun rights.

When you can make Piers Morgan look like a rational, logical, non-biased pinnacle of the press, you are NOT doing your side of the argument any favors.

Alex Jones together with the nuttiest of the nutty in the NRA do more harm with the more they say than any moderate gun owner in the United States can do in any normal debate.

Shut your overfed pie-hole you bloated asshole.

To quote comedian Jim Norton, that sweet little boy from the Opie & Anthony Show (SiriusXM 105) "for a guy who is so afraid of the government and who thinks the government is murdering our own people he sure holds a lot of faith in the FBI statistics that he wants to use to make his case".

Pain & Suffering/Mental Cruelty

Anytime you see civil lawsuits and take a look at the actual 'action' that created them, you have to wonder if it's just greedy-ass lawyers wanting to pile on the desire for more money or if there's a real human condition that can be quantified called 'Pain and suffering' or sometimes 'Mental cruelty'.

While I think it's impossible to put a true value on what the cost of that condition really is, (does one count years of therapy, either mental or physical, or the relationship cost for those that have to live with the victim, or the loss of income due to the fragile mental state?) I think almost all of us can realistically know what it feels like whether we've been a true victim or not.

And we can because of the two most recent national news stories over the last several weeks, the Sandy Hook shootings and the Fiscal Cliff.

I am NOT going to get into the actual tragedy or political positioning for either of those, however, the 24-hour news cycle with both graphic images and details as well as political rhetoric in combination with social media is perpetuating some form of 'mental cruelty' on the American public.

The constant inundation into our lives probably drives 60% of America's psychological state on a daily basis.

Now, please do not take this post as a call for the death of the news media and profession.  But do take it as a human-to-human warning that we need to all step back and recognize when these constant images, commentary and 'liking and sharing' of any one of a millions memes starts taking it's mental toll on our psyche.

While Sandy Hook was horrible in every possible way, after the first day, I really just didn't watch the news and avoided the vast majority of posts or direct messages to me.  I'm not being cruel or insensitive.  I'm the Father of a five-year old and ensure that every day I do as much as possible to keep him safe but at the same time, I realize that there really IS nothing I could do to change what happened.

As for the Fiscal Cliff and our elected morons in Washington, when you step back and recognize that these same idiots are the same people who waited until the night before the final exams in college to cram and study to eek out a C so they could still get their degrees and are now employed next to you, you stop worrying about whether or not things are going to get done.

Whether or not their decisions put me or my great-grandchildren in better or worse financial position is out of my control.  Not to the point that I'm helpless but frankly, all I can do is play the hand dealt me every day, week and year.

Have all of our lives become so boring that we need to wallow in the misery that happens on a regular basis around us in the world?  Clearly so since we also feel the need to live vicariously through vapid, wealthy socialites like the Hiltons, Kardashians, Real Housewives and the ridiculously stupid white trash such as Honey Boo Boo, Cajun Gator Hunters and some Hillbilly Pest Control dudes.

Just watch, repeat and then treat with anti-depressants OR turn it off, block it out, recognize it for what it is (mentally draining on us all) and get out of the house and love your family and friends.  Trust me, your mental state will be much better AND the world will STILL continue to revolve around you.

Free Pizza Tomorrow

So first, he's giving away 2,000,000 free pizzas via a NFL promotion, and now via a MLB promotion you can get 50% off his pizzas (from 12/21-28).

Tell me again how it's INSURANCE that is making the cost of Papa John pizzas going up $0.11-$0.14 in 2013?

Maybe stop giving away your damn product chucklehead.

Also, I would hope he's not stiffing his franchisees with the cost for these free and discounted pizzas under the guise of 'group marketing efforts'.

This Job Creator is one funny m'fer.....said no one ever.

Yes, I know he's since backed off his initial comments but he never denied that he said he'd raise prices.  I don't eat his stuff anyway.

You can't complain if you don't vote? Says who?

I really despise election season.  This year more than in the past, the fear-mongering rhetoric is at all time high.

Some call it racism in disguise but frankly, it's just a plain problem of the two-party system that the tone of negativism is now the only way you can pander to the extreme factions of your party.

But the most hilarious line I see during EVERY election is the old "you can't complain if you don't vote" bullsh!t.  And that's what it is, bullsh!t.

Let's see, where do I start? Um, okay, the 1st Amendment to the Constitution, which protects my freedom of speech by being an American.  It does NOT qualify that with "oh, ONLY if one votes".  Let's stop there since frankly, I don't need any other reasons.

So clearly, by our own Founding Father's wisdom, I CAN complain if I don't vote.  And let's not forget that when they wrote that piece of wisdom, women and minorities weren't considered eligible to vote and they only GOT that Right by what? Oh yeah, complaining when they didn't vote.

Get over it you blowhards, you're only saying this to justify your OWN knowledge that you're likely backing a losing candidate and therefore, by saying it, it lets you rail on for the next two or four years annoying all of your Facebook friends who don't give a sh!t about your politics.

You Can't Fix Stupid

Last night, while I was watching the Chicago Bears beat up the Detroit Lions, the third and final Presidential Debate was going on.

Since I early voted that very afternoon, there really is no reason for me to watch and frankly, the BEARS were on, so there was no choice.

I 'second screen' while watching most sports and had Hootsuite wide open.  It was a weird mix of a stream.  33% with political punditry, 33% Monday Night Football and 33% NLCS.  Not long after the debate ended I saw THIS tweet go by from Ann Coulter.

I was stunned.

Look, I'm not one to get hung up on word-policing.  I'm pretty much of the mind that there should never be controls on words and language.  You do not have a 'right' to NOT be offended, like I HAVE the right of free speech.

Further, I really like Ann Coulter and although I see her for what she is, a conservative whip who is there to over-bloviate the right wing agenda, I'm an Independent voter and see merits in both sides of the argument and cast my votes as such when entering the voting booth.

I decided to respond as follows:

But for as much as I've heard how Joe Biden disrespected Paul Ryan in the one and only VP debate and how Barack Obama has been disrespectful to Mitt Romney, from where I sit, there has been a continuous stream, for four years, of disrespect to the office of the President by the right side of the aisle which pales in comparison to anything that has happened in this election season.

Well Ms. Coulter, you've just been pwned by a VERY Special Olympian.  You were classless in your comment last night and when "icons" of the Right decide to degrade themselves by using words like you did, you just give permission to all of your followers to do the same.  Way to raise the level of discourse.  Mr. John Franklin Stephens has taken you to task.

Did Harbaugh take the points?

So it was a somewhat weird ending to the Thursday night football game last night.

Up 7 points and having Seattle pinned back on their own 7 yard line, the 49ers drew a chop block penalty that happened in the end zone.  Seattle did complete the pass and ended up about 6 inches short of the first down on a 4th and long.

Because the penalty happened in the end zone though, the ruling is that the 49ers would get a safety and then receive the kick-off being up by 9 points.

But, I guess believing that "things go crazy" Jim Harbaugh asked for a measurement to ensure Seattle didn't make the first down and then when that was verified he declined the penalty, forgo the 2 points and just take the ball and kneel on it to end the game.

I'm not sure what he was worried about since in this day and age of football, there's no way to score 9 points to tie the game, he was going to receive the kick-off (albeit it could have been an onside one) and then just either kneel on it, or play defense.

So this very interesting choice had me immediately look up what the line was in Vegas for this game and lo and behold, it was the 49ers -7.5.  Harbaugh's decision thus awarded anyone who took the points with Seattle and screwed over anyone who was giving the points.

With the craziness of the replacement refs this year and the NBA referee betting scandal a few years ago, one would think that the NFL might want to investigate this.

Those who know me, know I never liked Jim when he was playing for the Bears (as well as at Michigan) and when he bought in at Panther Racing (IndyCar), it made me want to hate that team even more and THEN to find out his sister is married to Tom Crean (former Coach at Marquette), this guy just continues to annoy the cr@p out of me.  So if he just MIGHT be involved in some scheme, I wouldn't feel for him at all.

Pencils Down, Work NOT Checked (again)

The other day I ranted a bit about marketing emails (which I opted-in to receive) showing up in my inbox and the sender or their contracted agency NOT ensuring that the images have been loaded to the live environment.

Two days later and they still haven't learned.

HEY DISNEY, maybe you need to change suppliers here, eh?  Poor quality is something NOT expected from you and we know how nuts you are about image.

Pencils Down & Check Your Work

I'm getting increasingly tired of companies that I'm fond of, outsourcing their campaign emails and then continuously having issues, but not changing up suppliers or even responding to me when I let them know it's all fanarkled up.

The biggest offender is Pet Supplies Plus who RARELY has the images that are embedded in the HTML email loaded on their live servers.  When the entire email is image-based, this means your users open the email to nothing but blocks and 'alt-text'.  A couple hours go by and I re-open that email and viola, there's my happy email campaign.

Today, however, the usually buttoned up Disney Corp has blown it.  A Jake and the Neverland Pirates email is broken down.

In both cases, they do provide the link so that if you can't read the email, it'll take you to the web page, however, the images are looking for the same source and therefore, even the web page is blank with loads of 'alt-text' all over the place.

I realize that in most organizations, email campaigns are relegated down to the cheapest labor or outsourced to the big companies (Fishbowl, Constant Contact) who offer below ground costs, but it is one of the most common touch points with your brand loyalists and in a lot of cases, some early impressions with your new customers.

Get your shizzle together and proof your work, have a quality control step that someone in the organization has to punch through on the LIVE site to ensure everything has loaded before you give the push order to send the email.  It's really simple and doesn't cost you very much.

Yes, I'm still alive

Sadly, life happens, work happens, family happens and when they all happen together, like they honestly do for most people, then some of the free-time pleasures are sacrificed like blog posts.

As I stare the end of the year in the face, I try to resolve to be better at this.  Some say I have a talent, most don't but nonetheless, there's passion, anger and millions of words that usually need to burst out of this brain of mine.

I'm not going to make this a New Year's Resolution, but I am going to make a concerted effort to be organized, not be afraid to have a 50-word post and not put pressure on myself to create masterpieces for each post.

We'll see.

Busy holiday season coming up but will force time to write about what's gone on this year.

Reason 532 why I love...

...working on the same floor as all of IT support:

Hearing the rolling of the track wheel and pressing of keys on a Blackberry from INSIDE the stalls in the bathroom.

Added bonus when an alert tone goes off for a text message or a new email.

Dudes, drop your deuce and leave the crackberry at your desk.

Funny Work emails: Episode 1

I think we all would love to reply-all to a company-wide email with smart ass remarks, but then, in this crappy economy we all need our jobs more than we need food.

Here's today's gem, which, we get every two weeks throughout the year:

     All,
     A reminder that Housekeeping will be cleaning out both the 4th and 6th floor refrigerators this coming Friday.  Please see to it that all your personal items are removed before then.
     Thanks,

I would love to reply with:
     "Oh, thanks so much for the reminder.  I need to get that severed woman's head and hands out of there before the authorities find them."

The next time you tell someone it must be fun they travel for business....

So, although I've had a bit of a hiatus on the business travel front, I had to head to North Carolina today for a quick, one-day meeting with one of our Kantar OpCos.

I always love how, when people find out you travel for work and they don't, they usually ponder out loud, and right to your face, how fun it must be to travel for business.  Going all those fun places, having it paid for....

And so all of my friends who DO travel for business, and some of you put me to shame with the amount you do, have our war stories from the road and here's mine from today.

Day started out pretty normal although there was "weather" in Missouri and the thoughts were that it would head towards Chicago thus putting flight departures in jeopardy.  But by the time I got to O'Hare, things were running fine and my flight still showed as leaving on time.  But that's where it starts going a little funky.

I was able to go through Premium Security which usually means a shorter line and with people who normally fly for business, know the routine and don't take long to get through.  But not today.  It was backed up something fierce and well, given that we shot and killed the #1 leading terrorist in the world, I could forgive it.  Until I got up to the conveyor belt and started pulling out the laptop, taking off the shoes, etc.  There was this couple who was traveling with their cats (in those little pet carrier type duffel bags) and I guess one of the cats decided to share with everyone his nervousness by having some explosive, target-spraying liquid joy which went all over its owners and on the floor.  THANK GOD the woman in front of me yelled back to me to look out because I damn near stepped in it in my stocking feet.  I heard one TSA agent drop some nasty language and there was another unlucky TSA guy who had to come over with spray and paper towels to clean it all up.

I overheard the one owner saying "Well, she's a nervous flier".  A TSA agent standing by her said "Well, some people just don't understand these things".  Really?  Look, I'm a pet owner and even _I_ realize that my dog is a schizophrenic traveler which is why we don't bring her to the airport.  If your pet can't take it, don't you think you're doing a bit more damage to them?  ughh.  Drive a damn car already.

So the incoming flight (to my one leaving) pulled up at the gate about 15 minutes late and the gate agent was too busy schmoozing with some of the Executive Premier Platinum 500K World Rulers to go down the jet way and get those waiting, off the plane.  Eventually our pilots and flight attendants show up and head down to turn around the aircraft and whilst the pilots were looking over the plane, they've found a "mechanical issue" that needed attention.  At least they found this before we all boarded.  Well, you likely won't be able to see this in the picture, but the "mechanical issue" was a huge gouge that was on the front nose fuselage.  Yep, they must have hit a bird or space shuttle debris.

Here is a lovely mechanic plotting (with a black marker) the area that will eventually need to be replaced.

So thankfully since Chicago O'Hare is United Airlines global hub and headquarters, there was a spare plane sitting around and with only about a 35-40 minute delay, we pushed back from the gate.

The flight was uneventful thankfully and we landed in Raleigh-Durham about 20 minutes later than originally scheduled.  My pre-arranged ride to the hotel was waiting and ready to go and off we went.

We arrive at the Courtyard Marriott, I wave goodbye to my ride and go to check in.  Oh, Mr. LoCicero, we have this waiting for you.  We unfortunately have overbooked and we've arranged for you to stay across the street.  Now this can go one of two ways, either a worse location or a better location.  Thankfully I've been here before and the suggested new place is a big step up.  It's actually a conference center that's run by the UNC-Chapel Hill Business School.  Good room, good digs, free pantry for all guests that has unlimited free soda and Dove Ice Cream bars....what's not to like?

However, my 0.4 mile trip between the two locations was an adventure from hell.  After being given my "walk" papers, I was told that they had called a ride to take me over there and it was just 10 minutes away.  10 minutes became 15, became 20 and finally this broken down taxi-van showed up.  The front desk clerk ran outside to ensure this was the right ride for me and it was.  I got in and he looked at me and said, where are we going?  That's my first warning sign.  I told him the Rizzo Center across the street and he looked at me like I was speaking Hungarian.  So off we go.

I asked him if we were in the wrong lane and he said know that he knew where he was going.  About 2 minutes later we pull in, to the aLoft hotel?  Um, this isn't the place dude.  I told him once again, I'm supposed to go the Rizzo Center.  Oh, he knows now and off we go.  I don't think we turn the right direction and I make him stop.  He says he DOES know where he's going and now he's getting mad at me for questioning him so much.  I pull out the iPad and fire up the Google Maps GPS and see that he's totally going in the wrong direction.  He promises me he knows how to get there.

We pull up at what looks like a regular apartment building and he jumps out getting ready to dump me off and I tell him that I'm not getting out until I call back to the Courtyard.  I talk to the front desk guy and tell him we're not even close to the place.  He asks me if the driver has taken me to the aLoft hotel and I laugh saying that we've already been there and this is the second place.  He lets me know that he'll call back to the driver and tell him where to go.

We finally get here and from this point on, everything has been grand.  I can only imagine what tomorrow will bring.  Fingers, toes, eyeballs and hair crossed.

The next Airline bailout

The next time US-based Airlines ask for a bailout or for increased fees and tariffs, I think we need a little collective bargaining for the passengers.

So Congress passes the Passenger Bill of Rights, but ultimately that's window dressing on the core problems.

Running an airline supposedly means that you're expertise is logistics.  Logistics, in this case, of moving human beings and cargo around America and the world.  Supposedly.

Well, people, we're an ornery bunch and since we all have brains in our heads we can pretty much make sure that we're getting on the right flight and usually end up in the right place.  But our luggage, well, those poor bastards don't even have a brain.  They are helpless bug kill on the windshield of airline transportation.

As you can guess, my luggage has been lost on a relatively important trip to New York City.  I have no idea how one bag, checked in at the AA Premium Status desk at the 2nd busiest airport in the world (ORD) on a direct flight to LGA doesn't make it there.  In fact, all the bags made it except mine and another poor fella.


How can people who are supposedly masters of logistics be so poor at it?  How, in a day where someone's blow-up doll being shipped by FedEx or UPS can be scanned and tracked multiple times across this fine land of ours with almost GPS-like precision, do the airlines who make infinitely more money have no clue where my bag is after it was put on the treadmill at O'Hare?  They just don't give a rat's ass AND you have to pay for it (unless you have status, are flying business class or flying Southwest!)

I watched with amazement how, in almost Third Reich fashion, people were getting their carry-ons pulled out of line when boarding this afternoon.  In fact, even I thought a few of them were questionable.  But the airlines are forcing people to go this way.  Since a carry-on bag stays with it's owner (see above where I mention that we have brains and make sure we get from one place to another in spite of the airline) it too makes it to its destination and there's no careless behavior going on behind the doors we're not allowed in.

It's truly a catch-22 of travel.  Can't bring that huge carry-on that you know will make it there, so you have to check it where it'll get lost, so then you'll have to bring carry-on again.

What I can't fathom is that they put stickers on every piece of luggage that have bar codes and unique bag-tag numbers.  When I check out in ANY retail store nowadays, they have hand-held scanners that are wireless and they can scan the UPC codes on larger, awkward items in my cart.  There are numerous softwares that can be used to manage logistics.  How, in the millions of dollars they charge for flying can an airline not afford to put these all together?  If I had the wherewithal, I'd be banging on boardroom doors proposing a new system and charging a fair price for it.

Our government can detect whether or not I have 4 oz of shampoo in my carry-on but a big logistics company has no f*@&ing clue where a 38lb bag is??

Oh Wilbur and Orville, why have you cursed us so?  Flight was BORN in this country and the current US entities are doing everything they can to kill it a very slow, painful death.  Please note in the following graphic, there is not ONE instance of a bag going astray due to the customer/passenger.  And they want to know why everyone is cramming on their carry-ons?????

This is likely where my bag is, although I highly doubt US-based airlines would even know how to get above the Earth's atmosphere.

Snowprah 2011 - an editorial

The more I keep watching the City of Chicago come under fire (mostly from the press, not anyone else) the more irritated I get.

I think we can fault the City for many many things in history but what happened on Lake Shore Drive (LSD) seems to me to lie more with those who were driving on it than the city.

In no way possible does it compare with what happened in New Orleans and Katrina, but the human psyche is virtually the same

1. "It's not going to be as bad as they say it's going to be"
2. "This is the easiest way home, I don't care what they say"
3. "_I_ can make it, I know how to drive in the snow"
4. "Nothing is going to happen, people are panicking but I know what to do"

For at least 24 hours before it happened, all local major news outlets were warning that there were going to be 10-20 FOOT waves off of Lake Michigan that were definitely going to come up onto the Drive creating an icy nightmare as well as difficulty for the city to clear it.  I saw two specific weather folks voice frustration via their Facebook or Twitter accounts about how people generally don't believe them.  They both recognized that it's tough to always get it right but that it is a constantly moving and changing target.  However, they said that because of the false claims in the past, they were running computer models for days and even several times an hour in the lead-up to the big storm.  As I said in a previous post, Tom Skilling tends to be the most accurate because he truly is a weather geek.  He rarely is so far off that it's ridiculous.

Anyway, the storm had been predicted to be epic enough as early as January 25th and for at least two days prior, the news, including The Weather Channel was gearing up for what was going to happen.  Look, if Jim Cantore is showing up on your streets, you better get ready for one hell of a storm and hunker down.  TWC don't just send him out to spring showers.

 I don't know, I DOUBT I was brought up in a Chicago household that was the minority but when these things start getting predicted there's a simple list of a few things we're all taught to do.

• Keep your car's gas tank at full/nearly full and don't wait until the night before to do it
• Always dress for the worst, but if you don't want to then bring it along (see next bullet)
• Make sure you have the following in your trunk - heavy blanket(s), extra hat/gloves, small rations (crackers, chips), a shovel, jumper cables, extra window washer fluid, de-icer for windows/door locks
• Keep your cell phone full charged and if you have a car charger or extra battery, keep that along
• Have both sets of your keys in case you have to leave your car
• If you get stuck, make sure your tailpipe remains free from the snow and lift your wiper blades up so they don't freeze to the windshield

For the most part, the people they are interviewing on tv who are picking up their cars that were stranded on the LSD most are pretty easy going and are happy that there's no fees being levied on them but there have been a few who are claiming that they thought they were going to die in their cars and that they had run out of gas and were freezing to death.

First, nice dramatic effect for the news to run continuously as A-Roll but shame on you!  A full tank of gas on a car, running while idle, can likely run for more than a day which means you wouldn't have frozen to death doofus.

I'm not sure the City could be blamed for not closing the LSD sooner but if they had I'm sure the people who were driving on it would have screamed bloody murder that they were going to get caught on Clark or wherever.  Could they be blamed for running the buses down LSD still at that hour?  Maybe, but again, people had been encouraged to take public transportation and so they were running them as quickly as they can.  There's now talk that the City should have stationed emergency vehicles near every exit on the LSD, yes, and then if they couldn't mobilize to another area of the City if there had been an emergency they would have been crucified for that as well.

Let's call it what it was:  3 nasty vehicle accidents, relatively close to each other which ended up blocking the entire four lanes of the LSD.  Even in DRY conditions people would have been stuck there for a few hours so not sure what else could have been done.

You want to blame the City, okay, DEFINITELY blame them for all my friends who STILL don't have their side streets cleared yet (2 days later!!!)  THAT is something the City should be hung out to dry for.