By no means am I a mental health expert, but I am a human being that, at times, struggles with my own brain.
For the most part, I think I've held up pretty well during this pandemic outbreak but with the resurgence and with people fairly close to me (not relatives, but living near our home) testing positive, the thoughts that "We're being surrounded" and "there's no escape, it's inevitable" IS taking its toll on my mental well-being.
For the last couple of nights, I have awoken from a nightmare of myself struggling to breathe. It is frightening to say the least and I find myself drowsily checking to make sure I really can breathe and that my airway is clear.
In late March/start of April 2018, I was hospitalized with a double whack of pneumonia and an undetermined virus after traveling back from India via Dubai. It was scary. I could barely breathe, my legs had swollen up to enormous size as I was retaining all kinds of fluids and my immune system had been compromised.
So, I know these feelings of which I dream and based on what folks are saying happens if you catch COVID and are high-risk, I am at risk for this happening if I catch it.
I rarely live my life in fear. It's not who I am. But the feeling of helplessness I had in 2018, of having to be in quarantine, keep distance from my family, including my 10 year old son at the time, was something that in NON-Pandemic times was something that could break a man. Amplify that by the entire ICU wing of the hospital being overrun by cases like me and it escalates that feeling exponentially.
Even has COVID has been around, we are taking extra precautions but still not living like hermits. We socialize at a distance, are very careful with who we let into our home and avoid all large events and traveling.
But as the Patriarch of this family, this shit is taking it's toll. To the "fuck mask" people, why can't you just realize that this is how a decent majority of people feel? You can sit there and say it's no worse than the flu all you want but it IS worse than the flu. You have the right to be as free as you want but you cannot complain with businesses shutting down, schools going back to remote learning and restrictions being put in place all because your fee fees where hurt in the beginning and as a country we couldn't do what New Zealand did (and had to do again) to stamp this thing out.
But these seeds of distrust were sown at the highest levels of our Government. The same people who downplayed the severity of this are the same ones now attacking an election results that didn't fall their way. If you're hitching your wagon to that train of idiots, well, when the "fuck your feelings" truck comes back around to run your ass over in the future, you can't complain.
History will show that the head idiot in charge right now truly was the worst ever. His inability to suck it up and deal with the truth and yet again, spin lies, falsehoods and misinformation have set back decent political discourse in this country for decades. The genie is out of the bottle now, he's running rampant and fooling people. But hey, he tells it like it is, except that everything he tells is bold-faced lies.
