28 August 2009

Unfortunate Lame-osity

Once again I'm fascinated by someone who is driving in front of me on the way to work.

In Illinois, you can get a special plate by being an organ donor and because he worked until he died speaking about organ donation, the plates are in honor of Walter Payton, Hall of Fame Chicago Bear running back.  They look like this:

So I'm driving behind this guy thinking how nice it is that he's an organ donor but I'm just mystified by the personalization of his plate.

It reads RX 8.

For about three minutes I'm sitting there thinking, "Why the hell would a guy get plates and salute Rex Grossman"?  Rex wore #8 and thankfully is now with the Houston Texans.

Who in their right mind goes the distance and gets a plate with a hat tip to Sexy Rexie?  Probably the same guy who bought a Cubs Garciaparra shirt (and that's a lot of idiots)

I just want to find a way to pull up next to this guy and ask him what the hell he was thinking and then as I get closer to his car, it hits me like a brick being dropped from an overpass.  The dude is driving a Mazda RX-8!

Maybe I'm the only guy in the world who would make this mistake, but with Rex still fresh in all of our minds (quickly disappearing the more we see of Cutler), I bet I'm not the only Bear fan who has seen this and done the same thing.

So is this guy a victim of unfortunate lame-osity?  (go ahead, I know you all want to say that I AM!)

25 August 2009

My newest $1,000,000 idea

Yep, once again, I post a meeeeeelion dollar idea on the public interwebby for anyone to steal.

4 simple letters: IGCS: The International Gelato Certification Society

I'm am SO sick and tired of stores, restaurants and every Tom, Dick & Harry (ooh err) calling the frozen messes that they are humping, GELATO. It's not, it's ice cream or some weak-ass attempt at it.

You can call me a "fancy man" because I've been to Italy twice. Yet, although my Yelp profile carries the moniker "Best Knife & Fork Man in the 630/331 Area Code", I'm pretty darn qualified to be an objective judge on foods that come from yonder as well, and gelato is definitely one of them.

There is just something so insanely rich, fatty and flavorful from ANY gelateria you visit in Italy that once you have it, you're ruined for life. It's SO good, that without writing them down, I remembered EACH shop which were our favorites in Rome and walked right into them on our second visit.

Of course, as most of you know how my brain works, it was the one at that one end of Piazza Navona, named after some brothers and that one right to the right side of the Pantheon (as you're looking at the entrance). Just stick with me and you'll be wolfing it down in no time. There's also that one on the one end of the Ponte Vecchio bridge in Florence as well.

So these are my qualifications. In fact, these branch out into incredible chocolate cannolis in Taormina (Sicily) and wickedly thick Chocolate de la taza in Barcelona so I sense "offshoot" Societies once the IGCS is up and established.

The Mission of the IGCS is simple. Enforce long-established quality control standards and recipes for gelato. Set the bar properly so that even when a mullet-wearing hillbilly tastes it, he knows that this ain't no 31 flavors stuff. If you fail, you will NOT be allowed to call it as such. If you succeed, you get our special certification seal which tells anyone in the world that your product is authentic and cuts the mustard. Of course, there's fees for someone to EARN this certification just as one would have for ISO9000 or Six Sigma, etc.

We'd be sort of the "Kosher" approval for gelato. Think of it... you've gotta admit, this is genius and I would HOPE that all Italian gelateria shoppe owners would appreciate this so that their products are upheld as the ones to shoot for.

Lead news story analysis

Yesterday I happened to be near a television at 5:00 to see that CBS2Chicago lead with the Michael Jackson homicide story. What I found interesting, appalling, but yet, not surprising is that the local anchors threw the coverage over to their source at Entertainment Tonight.

One COULD theorize that local news people just aren't going to have the insight or time to cover such a huge story and that by going to CBS/Viacom's experts (albeit a tabloid entertainment show), they are providing the raw coverage that is needed. OR one could say that this stuff is making Walter Cronkite spin in his nice and shiny new grave.

I just had to see what NBC5 and ABC7 were leading with and so my fingers moved quickly across the remote.

NBC lead with the final remnants of Hurricane Bill up the Canadian coast and ABC led with the local story about an Alderman's son-in-law getting murdered. NBC used stringer footage from some Canadian news agency and ABC was, well, local.

I know we have no control other than to stop watching so their ratings drop, but this isn't an argument about liberal media bias either. It's just crap management of a newsroom. CBS Chicago has been struggling mightily over the last couple of years (how they've stayed ahead of NBC is really staggering). You'd think the network that was driven by Don Hewitt would respect those roots since he TOO is freshly planted, but no.

HOWEVER, we all sit here and scream that we want integrity in the media, but yet, if they even SHOW that they have even an OUNCE it, they just get beaten to death in the ratings by the 24 hour stations and then the next level of TMZ/ET/E!/AccessHollywood. It's a no-win and we as viewers are just as much to blame. I don't know the answer, for if I did, I certainly wouldn't be working my day gig.

24 August 2009

Did you hear Brett Favre is back??

I know I promised this over a week ago, but alas, it took a long time to go through all of the quality humor that this country puts out.

Here's a list of great Tweets about the Purple-helmeted warrior, Brett Favre with all credits, misspellings & horrible grammar. Enjoy:

@SteveDahlShow: I was kind of hoping that Brett Favre would just stay home and podcast.

@ttep: Which Twin Cities school will soon be named Brett Favre Elementary?

@dtmb: Brett Favre is like a sunburn--you're convinced in won't happen, then it does and it hurts to watch, then afterwards it flakes.

@MarkMoheInitzky: Brett Favre is like that turd that won't flush...

@nawlinsboy: I wish Sarah Palin would explain to Brett Favre what the word 'quit' is suppose to mean.

@audra_mae: Brett Favre can suck my (euphemism for male appendage). That is if i had one.

@cjbbush: is amused how angry all her friends in Wisconsin are over the Brett Favre news...

@dxna: Brett Favre is hellbent on changing his legacy from incredible NFL QB to over the hill athlete who can't walk away

@Africanlegn: Brett Favre loves to play football and y'all are haters. U shud call 1800 IMA HATER and register! Favre has returned more times that Christ!

@caitercat: Know when to say when...This means YOU, Brett Favre.

@BurnsEnt: Wow, Brett Favre is back. Next thing someone will say is that there is a crisis in the Middle East.....

@sportsguy33: BREAKING NEWS: John Madden hears Brett Favre is coming back and says "holy turducken I've gotta come back too!" (Jk but....)

@redwristband: Wishing I had 5 bucks for every Brett Favre post on twitter and facebook this week...I could retire rich...smile

@klarize: Wtf?! brett favre is like a zit that never goes away faaaaaack

@Scott217: On today's 'How can we miss you if you don't go away' page, Mr. Brett Favre (headed to MN) Sheesh.

@Marshall_Evans: Brett Favre, please retire! You're tainting my memory of you. Although I'm sure Michael Jordan appreciates it.

@joshuaduboff: This just in, he hasn't even played a down yet but Brett Favre has already been credited with an interception.

@pi8you: officially dubs Brett Favre as HE WHO CANNOT BE NAMED. Next up, Brett Favre: Cthulhu spawn?

@clairemdickman: pssh brett favre ...

@jamesebriggs: Brett Favre unretires again, returns to NFL. Related announcement coming soon from John Madden, who just rediscovered his reason for living.

@steveohville: i like my news consolidated, so i'm hoping Brett Favre goes on a dog killing spree while hopped up on steroids and debating healthcare.

@duckofalltrades: When I retire, I'm going out Brett Favre style. No I'm not. Yes I am. No I'm not. Yes I am. No I'm not. Yes I am. No I’m not.

@PinkishClaud: Can anyone tell Favre that the older you get the easier it is to break your bones? (maybe he forgot..you know..altzheimer and stuff!!)

@dstieber: November 1st...Brett Favre will know what it feels like to have an entire state hate him

@sportspickle: Reports: Brett Favre Considering a Return to His Wife's Vagina: (Duey Note: This, of course, would have been funnier to say his MOTHER’S vajayjay…)

@rachelmello: Okay football fans ... anyone else annoyed with Brett Favre ... go to your retirement community in Florida already and leave us alone!!!

@sportsguy33: New nickname for Brett Favre: "VD." We can't get rid of him.

@stevez33: Fact: Brett favre has now retired twice in 11 months and has not missed a single game lol

@tshirthell: Brett Favre is now a Viking. Well, he's not actually a Viking, but there's no team whose mascot is a giant douche.

@areofilm: Now I know why Brett Favre throws so many interceptions. The man has lost all sense of what to do. Good luck with that Vikings.

@omarg: Brett Favre lunch: Order sandwich. Send back sandwich. Order again. 2 bites. Send sandwich back. Leave. Return. Order sandwich

@Lizzs_lockeroom: Favre is meeting Prince tonight to purify himself in Lake Minnetonka

@wingoz: Brett favre changes his mind..again. In similar news...the sun rose in the east..and humans need oxygen to breathe

@passepartout: Oh, happy day! MORE Brett Favre stories will smother the local media again. What ninnies newspeople are. C'mon. Enough!

@thenflchick: Dear Brett Favre, thank you for un retiring. I can practice in peace. Signed, Michael Vick

@bpabich: Never thought I'd be so looking forward to seeing Brett Favre sacked. Repeatedly. Seriously - what a petulant child.

It's gonna be an interesting season in the NFC Norris!!

09 August 2009

50 Bands I've Seen In My Lifetime

50 Concerts

OK, here are the rules. Test your memory and your love of live music by listing 50 artists or bands (or as many as you can remember) you've seen in concert. List the first 50 acts that come into your head. An act you saw at a festival and opening acts count, but only if you can't think of 50 other artists. Oh, and list the first concert you ever saw (you can remember that, can’t you)?

These aren't in order although the first two ARE the first two I ever attended (same night).

1. Bo Donaldson & the Heywoods (1974, Walt Disney World, and they opened for #2)
2. K.C. & the Sunshine Band
3. Jimmy Cliff (very special show at Summerfest in 1987!)
4. John Mellencamp (about 28 times now, at least)
5. Maroon 5
6. Tom Jones
7. Winger (3 times)
8. Faster Pussycat
9. Cinderella
10. Poison (3 times)
11. The Rolling Stones (at least 4 times)
12. U2 (did see them back in the Aragon Ballroom days & also at Allstate Arena)
13. AC/DC (first time was JUST this past December 2008)
14. KISS (always with make-up ON, and about 5 times)
15. Sly & Robbie (hardcore Reggae guys)
16. Van Halen (Monsters of Rock Tour, 1988 @ Alpine Valley, first Sammy Hagar tour)
17. BoDeans (have seen about 25 times, but saw them as a $300 band playing at Marquette)
18. Violent Femmes (same as BoDeans, and actually worked Security for them once)
19. Tracey Chapman
20. 10,000 Maniacs
21. Spyro Gyra
22. Pat Metheny Group
23. Joan Jett
24. Smokey Robinson
25. Billy Squier
26. Ratt
27. The Kinks
28. Ted Nugent
29. Skid Row (but without Sebastian Bach)
30. Greg Kihn Band (Jeopardy song)
31. Eddie Money
32. Tommy Shaw (solo, after he left Styx in the 80's)
33. Pink Floyd (their last ever show on US Soil in 1994 at the Meadowlands, NJ)
34. Steve Winwood
35. Level 42
36. Andy Williams (Christmas special show in 1987)
37. John Hiatt (he actually OPENED for BoDeans at Summerfest)
38. Buddy Guy (Susan Tedeschi opened)
39. Bruce Hornsby & the Range
40. Savoy Brown
41. Koko Taylor (probably 10 times)
42. Head East
43. Scorpions
44. Dokken (2 times)
45. Metallica (3 times)
46. Sister Hazel
47. Buckwheat Zydeco
48. Blue Oyster Cult (spent 4 days on the road with them when I was working in the Entertainment biz. My job was to give them their check before they went on each night, kinda cool)
49. Foghat
50. Thin Lizzy
51. Blues Traveler
52. Those X-Cleavers (had one national hit but mostly played the Delta Chi parties & basement)

I can keep going actually because from 1985-1999 I'd live at least 5-9 days a summer at Milwaukee's Summerfest, but most of my brain cells are likely deadened from those days. If only I had saved all of the ticket stubs from these shows.