19 January 2009

When your kid scares the cr*p out of you...

I had a scary moment today. One of those times when there's an immediate sinking in your gut and literally 2,000,000 synapses fire through your brain in less than 10 seconds.

The morning was a normal morning. Aidan woke up at around 6:30 and he took his milk very well. MK got him dressed and ready to go to school and we left the house around 7:00. It's only 2 miles from door to door and today it took about 5 minutes.

When we got to school, I jumped out and opened the back door and he was just sitting in his car seat and didn't look over to me. Normally once I open the door he shoots me a look and starts trying to wriggle his way out of the car seat.

So I leaned in to start unbuckling him and he was motionless. His eyes were wide open and he was staring through the front windshield of the car. I said "Hey bud, are you ready for school?" and he just didn't move. I waved my hand in front of his face and he didn't move. I swear to God almighty that he looked like a dead body with its eyes open.

I yelled his name and grabbed the sides of his head and he jerked into reality with some tears in his eyes. It was like I woke him from the deepest of sleeps but yet, his eyes were wide open.

I got him out of the car and headed into the school, the entire way telling him "Don't do that to me ever again, you scared the hell out of me. Are you okay?" Of course, he doesn't speak yet so there was no answer, but he was looking at me.

I got him into his classroom and took off his jacket and he was just as normal as ever. He has a new teacher today as Miss Leah and Miss Roxayn have left the school and he ran to Miss Kim just fine and started playing. I didn't think to say anything as I didn't want to worry her and I got in the car. Looked at myself in the mirror and just started freaking out.

What the hell happened? Had he stopped breathing? He was so bundled in winter clothes that I couldn't tell and in fact, I was so freaked I really didn't look. It was one of the most unsettling rides to work (14 miles) that I think I ever had.

I got to work and unfortunately had about 2 1/2 hours of conference calls but when I was done I called home to tell MK. We both were kinda freaked and decided we'd call his doctor, if anything to get this on his medical record/charts and to get advice.

While I waited for a call back from them, I searched online. Autism, Apnea, Arithmea, anything I could think of that would make a kid just freeze and nothing really matched. After speaking with one of the CRN's from the office, she said it didn't sound like anything at this point and that she'd consult with one of the MD's and that if they think there's something there, they'd call us back. She asked if he had turned blue (he hadn't) and said that at this point, just observing him and looking to see if it happens again is all we can do and that we need to notify school so in case it happens there, they know to call us as well.

When MK picked him up from school, he had just another normal day there. Well-adjusted and active and his appetite was actually increased from normal. We got him home and it was another normal night of dinner and playing before going to bed. He ate a ton of food (his appetite is really up which means he's probably physically growing right now) and he was a happy, active, engaged child. I tried out a few of the autism tests for infants that I saw online and he didn't "fail" any of them.

In summary, today wasn't the first time, but it was another reminder that in this world, I live not for myself but for someone else who depends greatly on me and MK and now I know what it's like to have your kid scare the living hell of you. As I joked right to him when he was in my arms tonight, "I'm sure it's not going to be the LAST time either".

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